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Find Time for Romance by Joy Decker
Romancing my husband Kevin is an integral
part of my marriage. Recently Kevin spent a week away on
a mission trip with the youth from our church. Our kids
and I missed him and I decided to give him a special romantic
welcome home. I remembered we'd received an email with a
great story about filling a car with balloons.
Hmm... Kevin's truck was sitting empty in the church parking
lot.
I could just see the humorous looks on parent's faces as
they waited for their kids and talked about the truck filled
with balloons. I pictured him surrounded by the kids and
their parents as he popped balloons and read each little
note! I saw a crimson flush come over his cheeks as he censored
a few of the racier notes. What a devilishly clever way
to be romantic!
I took our kids on a special shopping trip to the party
store and bought one hundred pink, white and red balloons,
plus a balloon air pump. That night I sat at the computer,
wrote down one hundred reasons why I love Kevin, and printed
them out. Next, with the kids help, I cut them into little
slips of paper and stuffed one into each balloon. Some were
funny, some were mushy, and some were inside information.
Before I started I thought it would be hard to come up with
that many, but the ideas kept flowing. It's great to realize
how many different ways I love my husband! The next morning
we went to the church and spent a couple of hours blowing
up balloons. Our son Benjamin loved helping with the pump;
our daughter Annika enjoyed batting around the balloons
inside the truck. I moved the truck from the corner of the
parking lot where Kevin had left it to right up in front
so everyone could see and taped a note with a straight pin
to the window:
Kevin,
Inside you will find 100 reasons why I Love You (well,
actually 99 since we lost one in the parking lot). Have
fun!
Joy
Kevin called me to say it was just what he needed after
a long week away and as soon as he'd popped enough balloons
to see out the windows and clear the driver's seat he would
be home. Later we spent a relaxing evening reconnecting
and enjoying our romantic relationship.
I believe that maintaining a caring, loving, and intimate
relationship with my husband is good for me and good for
my children. Not only that, but I believe it is possible
to be romantic even though you have kids. I like to share
stories of my romantic adventures with my friends. A lot
of them respond, “I don’t have time for romance.”
I understand that it’s easy to put everything else
on hold when you’re busy taking care of the children,
but you need to take care of your marriage too.
Romance is part of the fun of a relationship. Raising children
is hard work, and you need some play to balance that out.
Sometimes the attention I get from my husband is what gets
me through the day. I am happier and have more energy when
I feel cared for, appreciated, and loved.
According to IVillage.com family development expert Dr.
Gayle Peterson, a healthy marriage is your best insurance
for your child's future. Children are the most happy, loved
and secure when they know that their parents have a strong
and loving relationship. And they need to know they are
not the center of the universe, that mommy and daddy are
important too. In fact, demonstrating your love for each
other in front of your children sets a wonderful example.
You are teaching them how to have healthy adult relationships
later in life.
Parents who focus on being a couple as well as on the kids
are much better prepared for empty nesting when their kids
are ready to live their own lives. The pressures of parenting
will not last forever. A small daily investment in romance
now can help keep your relationship alive through the challenges
of parenthood and beyond.
It takes planning to make romance a priority in your life,
but it doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming.
Here are some ways to get started:
Do the little things. Elisa Brown writes
in How Can I Show That I Love You, “Love is a daily
ongoing experience, nourished or starved out, depending
upon its care and feeding. It flourishes on little things…”
One of the best ways to show your love is to do the little
things your mate will appreciate. How do you know what these
things might be? ASK! Write a top ten list of each of the
actions you value and appreciate most and ask your partner
to do the same. Trade lists and try to do at least one item
from the list each day for your partner. All of the actions
Kevin and I chose can be done for free, such as holding
hands in public, giving hugs, and listening to each other.
Practice the 10-second kiss. Here’s
a simple way to make a huge difference in the way you feel
about each other, described by best-selling author Ellen
Kreidman (Light His Fire). She asks us to greet our mates
with a 10-second, passionate kiss every time we haven’t
seen each other for a while. 10 seconds is a long time!
Kevin started kissing me this way when he got home from
work, and it takes my breath away! This is another way we
show our children that our relationship comes first; they
have to wait their turn to greet mommy or daddy. Try it,
and see how connected you feel all evening, even when doing
your routine chores.
Get the kids involved. Ben and Annika
loved helping me set up the scene in the story above. Kids
love balloons, surprises, and projects. Depending on their
age, it may be hard for them to keep a secret, so you can
be selective in what you tell them. Still, they can help
with a creative art love note or baking cookies. Even if
your children are babies you can incorporate them into a
romantic gift. When Ben was an infant I created a “brag
book”, a small photo album containing pictures of
Daddy and Ben together, with special captions. Kevin loved
showing it to his friends, and it reminded him how much
I appreciated him as a father. Another time the kids and
I were making cinnamon ornaments as Christmas gifts, so
I set one aside and carved our initials in it as a token
of our love.
Swap babysitting. You two need time alone
as a couple so you can give each other your undivided attention.
Surely there are some other moms you know who also need
some time alone with their husbands. Make a standing date
night and take turns watching each other’s children.
Some of the moms in our local Mothers & More chapter
have formed a babysitting coop. That means we have a list
of moms ready and willing to babysit for each other; each
mom earns points by babysitting and uses those points when
she needs a sitter. It doesn’t have to be a one-on-one
exchange and the schedule is flexible. Check local moms
groups and neighborhood groups in your area, or start your
own coop! If all else fails and you need to hire a sitter,
do it! It is well worth the expense. Our regular sitter
is a teenager from our church who is very reliable and responsible.
Schedule romance. We all know how hectic
a mom’s life can be. Spontaneous romance is nice,
but not very likely. Kevin and I both use palm pilots to
track our schedules and synchronize them regularly. We put
romance on our calendars and it’s easier to make time
for it:
· A romantic dinner out
· A snuggle and a movie after the kids are in bed
· A weekend away by yourselves (or reverse it and
drop the kids off elsewhere, then enjoy being at home just
the two of you.)
· A lunch date
· An evening of dancing
Say “I Love You”. The affection
your mate needs can be communicated with a word, a look,
or a touch. Never miss an opportunity to hug, kiss, or say
“I love you”. Here’s a recent message
to our website (see sidebar) that makes the point powerfully.
Dear Love birds,
I just want you to know before I remove my name from [the
InspirationPoint email] list, the reasoning behind it.
My other half who I had surprises for on many occasions
was a firefighter at the world trade center on 9.11.01.
He left me the most precious gift though, a beautiful
baby girl at the time 5 months old. Thank you for such
nice ideas and remember to always say I Love You.
Lisa
Joy and I were in tears when we read that message. What
an incredible reminder to us of the meaning, power, and
impact of saying "I Love You." In a follow up
conversation with Lisa she told us the last words she heard
were "I Love You" and they were sealed with a
kiss. Listed below are ten different ways, times, and places
to say "I Love You." Some are Lisa's, some are
ours, and we hope you'll make them yours.
Say "I Love You" -
· At the door when leaving or arriving.
· In your emails.
· Before hanging up the phone.
· In a loveletter.
· In soap on the car window.
· With a special code on his pager.
· In lipstick on the bathroom mirror.
· In a foreign language.
· With magnetized letters on the refrigerator.
· On a post-it note that he’s sure to find.
I left one on the underside of the toilet seat once. Boy
was he surprised!
Make romance an integral part of your marriage.
It will make your home a more loving place for yourself
and for your family, and it will have a lasting positive
effect on your relationship.
About the authors: Joy Decker and her husband Kevin run
the website www.inspirationpoint.com,
are co-authors of Romantic
Antics, teach seminars on romance, jointly care for
Ben and Annika, and still find time to be romantic! Call
them to ask about Romance coaching from the Romance Experts.
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