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Parenting - Home Alone:  Is Your Teen Ready?

Home Alone: Is Your Teen Ready?
By Barbara McRae, MCC

As summer time approaches and parents pack the last lunches and await the last report cards, they face a familiar worry: what to do with the kids during the summer. Finding quality childcare is time consuming and expensive, but leaving teens home for the whole day can be worrisome for parents. How do you know when it's time to let your teenagers and preteens stay home alone while you're at work?

Parents can feel confident that, when handled skillfully, allowing teenagers to stay home while parents work is a wonderful opportunity to provide the space kids need to mature. Parents who set their teens up for success by assessing their maturity level and providing an appropriate amount of support and guidance are giving their kids a valuable experience. They're letting them develop independence and helping them learn to trust themselves, skills that will help them in college and beyond.

How to Know if Your Teen Is Ready

When you're deciding whether your teen should stay alone consider maturity rather than age. Most local governments regulate the minimum ages at which kids can stay home alone, but remember that children mature at different rates, and a 14-year-old might be capable of caring for himself, while a 16-year-old might still be better off with some adult supervision. Before you decide to leave your teen home alone, make sure that you can answer yes to these questions:

• Does your teen often take responsibility for things like homework and chores? If you have to constantly remind your daughter to call to say what time she'll be home, than she might not be able to handle a whole day without adult guidance.
• Does your teen make good decisions independently? If your son has shown you that he's able to handle unfamiliar situations, then he has the critical thinking skills necessary to handle the unexpected while you're at work.
• Does your teenager have the necessary life skills? In order to stay home alone, your teenager needs to be able to safely use the stove and other household appliances, and should be able to use money effectively enough to order pizza and tip appropriately.
• Do you have a trusting relationship with your teenager? Mutual trust is key. Before you leave your teenager home all day, you need to be able to trust him or her to follow the guidelines that you've set. Likewise, your teen needs to be able to trust that you'll be home on time and available if he or she needs you.
• Does your teen have a good relationship with younger siblings? If your teenager will be caring for younger siblings while you work, make sure that they get along reasonably well together. Sibling rivalry is normal, but if your children hurt each other or if your younger child doesn't listen to your older one, then you shouldn't leave them alone together.
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  Ensuring Success
  Under the right circumstances, leaving your teen home while you work can be a great way to allow your teenager healthy growing room. As you make plans, be sure to set your teen up for success. It might be tempting to think that you shouldn't prepare your teen but should force him or her to figure things out alone. If you fail to plan carefully, though, you're encouraging failure, which could set your teen back developmentally.
  
  First, plan a safety net. If your work isn't nearby, or if you're not always available by phone, find a neighbor who's willing to be "on call" if your teen needs help. It's also wise to provide some structure for your teen's day. Don't fill every minute with chores, because teenagers need to have some control over their own time. But do give your teen some activities to do while you're gone, possibly some, like summer camps, that have adult supervision.
  
  Also, discuss with your teen how you want him or her to handle difficult situations that will likely come up. For example, if you don't want your son's friends in the house while you're not home, help him think of ways he can say no to them and other activities they can do together. Make sure, too, to set guidelines together for what your teen can and can't do while you're not there and consequences for if those guidelines aren't followed. Finally, show your teen that you appreciate his or her responsibility and trustworthiness by allowing more freedoms as the summer progresses.
  
  Remember that, like with all parenting choices, your decision whether to let your teen stay home alone while you work should be based on what's best for his or her growth. When you provide a healthy balance between structure and freedom, you're helping your teen learn skills that he or she can take into adulthood.
  
  © 2006 Barbara McRae, MCC
  Barbara McRae, Master Certified Coach, Parent/Teen Expert, and Founder of www.teenfrontier.com, "A Neon Whispers ™ Company", is the bestselling author of Coach Your Teen to Success . Barbara coaches internationally, facilitates workshops, and has been featured in various media outlets, including radio, TV, national magazines, and newspapers.