Funny Quotes for Moms

FUNNY QUOTES FOR MOMS

Funny Quotes: It's Not Easy Being a Woman

"Whoever thought up the word " Mammogram "   Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed  to put my breast in an envelope and send  it to someone."  -Jan King-

"A few weeks after my surgery, I went  out to play catch with my golden retriever.  When I bent over to pick  up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.  The dog snatched it, and I found  myself chasing him down the road   yelling " Hey, come back here with my  breast! "  -Linda Ellerbee-

"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman?  It's plucking your eyebrows. That's  how I originally got pierced ears."  -Geri Jewell-

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car."
-Carrie Snow-

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. "
-Laurie Kuslansky-

 Funny Quotes: Motherhood, Wife and Household Duties

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
-Erma Bombeck-

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't."
-Rhonda Hansome-

"The phrase " working mother " is   redundant."
-Jane Sellman-

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb  women, but you hardly ever see a smart  woman with a dumb guy." - Erica Jong-

"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears  makes one you can ride on."  
-Roseanne Barr-

"I try to take one day at a time,  but sometimes several days attack me at once."  
-Jennifer Unlimited-

Funny Quotes: Who says it's a "Man's" World.....

  "I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his house." -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

"If high heels were so wonderful, men  would still be wearing them." -Sue Grafton-

"I think---therefore I'm single."   -Lizz Winstead

"When women are depressed they  either eat or go shopping. Men invade  another country." Elayne Boosler-

"In politics, if you want anything  said, ask a man-if you want anything  done, ask a woman."   -Margaret Thatcher-

"If men can run the world, why can't  they stop wearing neckties?  How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?" -Linda Ellerbee-

Funny Quotes: Laugh Out Loud Funny

"When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a  hearing loss. And they called ME slow!" 
-Kathy Buckley-

"I'm not offended by all the dumb  blonde jokes because I know I'm not  dumb . . and I'm also not blonde."   -Dolly Parton-

Funny Quotes about a View on Life

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."  -Eleanor Roosevelt-

  "If you can't be a good example, then  you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
-Catherine Aird-

"Things are going to get a lot worse  before they get worse."  -Lily Tomlin-

"Every time I close the door on reality  it comes in through the windows." 
-Jennifer Unlimited-

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